Another Lifetime

          It is weird to think of being defined by one thing but the reality is that my life is and always has been controlled by my disability. As a little girl all my friends played sports while I sat on the sidelines and watched. This was nobody's fault. I don't expect everyone to live with my restrictions but I do wish I knew what it was like to be able bodied even just for one day.
          Would I have grown up playing sports? To this day all I remember about sports is trying to be like everybody else. What always ended up happening is that I would fall and get really hurt, often times winding up in a cast. Now we know this is because I had undiagnosed Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.
         Would I still want to go in to medicine? My whole life I have wanted to help people the same way that others helped me when I was little, but without my health issues I would have never needed that help. What degree would I be pursuing, and furthermore would I have already graduated? Would I be working in a field I was passionate about or are my challenges what give me passion. Would I have even have gone to college without the drive I get from having to work harder than everybody else for everything I want?
        What about traveling. I am stuck in California because of my health insurance; I could get sick at any time with no warning. Without this restriction I could go anywhere, do anything. Would I live in Paris, would I have been to Canada, would I live somewhere that I can't even imagine in this life?
        Who would my friends be. Several of my closes friends have a chronic illness. Similarly, all of my friends have to accept my chronic illness meaning that they are all accepting people.  Without my chronic illness would my friends be closed minded, would I be closed minded? That would make me what I hate most.
       Without my chronic illness my life would absolutely be different. I could go anywhere, be anything. Right now I have to face the fact that I am to sick for a lot of my dreams, and that will become even more true as I get worse. As my illness progress I will most likely need things like a wheelchair, joint surgeries, and a heart transplant.  I have so many dreams that are, and have always been, halted by reality.
        How can one thing define my so much? Is it because I let it? If I just ignore it will it go away? I just wish the sky was the limit, but in order for that to be possible I would need to be a different person.
        I have always dreamt about who I might be if I were not held back by my illnesses. A lot of this is probably because I have a healthy twin sister who is doing a lot of what I wish I could do. I am happy with who I am but it is hard not to think about what could be possible if I were different.

To everybody dealing with chronic illness don't be afraid to dream

WE BELIEVE IN YOU 

- Nemo, Tremors, and Secret Agent Puppy

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