Girl in the Wheelchair
There are always places where you feel more comfortable showing who you truly are than others. The two of us have no problem looking sick, or like we are having issues in the comfort of our dorm room. However, in public we do not always want to be seen/labeled. The label of “sick,” “disabled,” or “broken” follow us around whether we like it or not. When your condition is invisible, or mostly hidden it can be easier to escape the labels some days. But, there still are days when life decides to throw you a curveball. Those are the days when everything seems to go wrong. Those are the days when everyone is looking and whispering. Those are the days when you look how you feel internally. (Usually you look not so great)
For the most part my disability is invisible, or it was. I have gotten to the point where I need to be in a wheelchair part of the time. The first day that I was in a wheelchair it was so scary. I thought about what it would be like for the longest time, and I was so afraid. I thought that people would stare at me, judge me, ridicule me. Unfortunately I was both completely right and completely wrong.
The first place that I went in a wheelchair everybody was able bodied. The minute I entered the building with my mom I was stared at because aside from the wheelchair i look completely “normal”. That was not the worst part though. The worst part is when a woman tripped over me but instead of saying sorry they were angry with me. They proceeded to move my wheelchair out of their way. That is not appropriate at all. All I have to say to that person is if you wanted me to move all you had to do was ask. I was not trying to be in your way, I just didn’t really understand how to use the wheelchair having never used one before. I was so afraid to be seen in public and within one minute your actions made me want to cry and run away. After this happened I decided that I would NOT be seen in a wheelchair at all. I was so upset I wanted to go home and cry in my room. Every action hurts, you never know what a person’s story is. It is hard to be different and being accepted by the rest of society makes being in a wheelchair much easier.
After this place we were going to the ableism fair because my mom wanted to see different wheelchairs and what is available. I spend the entire car ride crying, which was terrible because I had been so excited for this day before I was treated as subhuman. I was convinced that I would rather be shut away in my room that have to go out in public and be treated the way that it was. When we got to the fair I was in so much pain that I decided to use the wheelchair. On the street, when I was being pushed I looked down at the sidewalk the whole time trying not to make eye contact with anybody. I was so humiliated to be there and felt that I had no right to be outside. When I got inside to the fair something amazing happened. Everybody was either in a wheelchair, or with somebody who was. Everybody talked to me, not about me. People saw me as a person, not somebody who was in a wheelchair. For the first time in my life I felt not only at peace with my disability, but proud of it. I learned that I am who I am and that nobody can change that. I was born this way, and if people are mean that is their problem because I did not do anything to them. Being in a wheelchair, or having a walker, or being different is not a crime, and being out in public and living my life the way I want to is my right. I can confidently say that I will never again just be that girl in a wheelchair, I am a person with thoughts, feelings, and a right to life.
People judge, there is no way around that. However, when you find people who are similar to you, you instantly feel more at home, and more comfortable. When you are more comfortable, you do not feel as if you are the girl in the wheelchair.
You are not alone
WE BELIEVE IN YOU!
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